The decision to a end relationship is a huge decision. People want to know they have done everything possible before ending it. A relationship requires unique skills to manage conflict, to discuss difference of wants and learn how to negotiate a win-win for spouses. If your relationship is in decline it can still be saved by learning new skills so that people can their needs met. The skills that make you a good employee or boss or parent are not effective in a romantic relationship.
Prevention is Best!
To ensure a successful marriage, start early and do relationship skills counselling prior to getting married to learn skills for effective communication, managing differences and learning how both parties can get their needs met. While it may seem odd to get help when you are happy, that is the best time to learn new skills.
Too often couples are caught up in planning the wedding and life is not complicated. Once people get married, it takes more skills to be able to manage the demands of the careers, personal time and couple time. Throw in a few kids and things can get even more complicated quickly. Starting early and learning effective conflict management skills means therapy is shorter and results are easier to come by
Go when Problems are Small
If you are already married and starting to feel dissatisfied, do not wait to seek professional help. Too often couples rely on “hope” or the belief that doing the same ineffective behaviors will change their partner, situation or relationship.
If you have been experiencing a long period of marital unhappiness, do not wait to get help, even if your partner doesn’t want to come you can go alone and learn how to improve your relationship. Before anyone ends a marriage they want to work their way out and make sure they’ve done everything they can to save it.
Good Reasons to Save the Marriage:
- There is one version of the marriage you can both agree on and want
- You are willing to look at your own behavior and decide what changes you'll make for yourself to make the relationship better
- You can still remember positively all the reasons why you decided to get married to your partner
- You still can find good in your relationship and value what you’ve created together
- You still feel motivated to try and make things better
- You still like your partner. While love is important, you can love someone and not like them, so it is important to like your partner.
- You are willing to take responsibility for your part in what is not working in the relationship regardless of what your partner does
- You are willing to put your relationship above all the needs and issues to make it better.
Tammy M. Fontana, MS, NCC, CTRT, LEVEL 2 Gottman Therapy
All in the Family Counselling
+65 9030 7239