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Counselling Process

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When Should I Seek Help

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Can’t Get Your Spouse’s Attention to Connect: Is Empathy Missing?

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Are you frustrated in your relationship or marriage that you thought would be so promising? Do you feel like you cannot connect to spouse emotionally? Does s/he have rules or boundaries about when you can speak to him or her because they are playing video games or are too busy with kids or other activities? Do you find when you finally get a chance to speak from your heart, trying to emotionally connect that they get frustrated and upset at you because you are so emotional and not logical and make big deals out of nothing?

 

These types of situations leave you feeling very alone in the relationship. You may find yourself very confused because when started out in the relationship you did a lot of things together. S/he are kind and nice. S/he or he may be liked by friends or family, but when you look closer, they don’t have very many close relationships actually. However, since the relationship got serious or now you are married, it seems like you are an object that they put on a shelf to use when s/he feels like it. Your feels and wants and needs don’t seem to matter. They maybe find to spend time with you on their terms, rarely on yours. If the do connect on your terms, you end up feeling guilty for asking. Time together isn’t connecting and feeling close is difficult to achieve.

 

After many failed attempts to connect, to talk about your feelings, to discuss the relationship and emotional distance you may start to hang out more and more with your friends. You may spend more time at work and office people. You spend less time at home. This can put you situations where you find you are compromising your boundaries of fidelity. You may be behaving in ways you don’t recognize or thought you ever would. You are frustrated, sad and lonely in your marriage and relationship and cannot figure out what to do or how to talk to your partner.

 

This is a very common and unfortunate situation many of my clients find themselves in. My clients cannot understand how this person they fell in love with, who was so fun while they were dating is now so distance, cold and hard to emotional connect. They desperately want to feel loved by their partner but feel neglected and no care and concern is there.

 

can't get your spouse's attentionIt’s a troubling situation because when my clients talk to their friends or family, they struggle to explain the loneliness. On paper their partner is great. They are educated, hold a good job and are friendly. They are kind to people and their families. So on paper it good, but at home it is cold, lonely and confusing.

 

Many of my clients at first blame themselves. Thinking perhaps they are the problem. May be wanting to have emotional closeness or a true companion is too high of expectation. Yet they feel that they cannot live without it. They cannot figure out if it is them, their partner or what it is. They are unhappy, stuck and worried they may choose to cheat or do something they’ll regret.

 

If this sounds familiar to you, it must be very sad and difficult. You may have been searching the internet to figure out what is wrong with your partner. The best thing to fix your relationship is to start with yourself. Figure out what you want. Establish your needs and see if they are realistic. Learn what are healthy expectations and boundaries. Do what you can to help yourself and take charge of your half of the relationship.

 

If you would like to find out more about how I help people in situations similar to yours, please whatsapp or call +6590307239 or email This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it to make an appointment to learn how we might work together.

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