COUPLES THERAPY FOR COMPULSIVE BEHAVIOUR IN SINGAPORE



COUPLES THERAPY FOR COMPULSIVE BEHAVIOUR IN SINGAPORE

Compulsive behaviours in relationships, such as substance use, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), relationship OCD (ROCD), or excessive checking, can affect both partners. While one person may display these behaviours, the emotional strain, miscommunication, and trust issues impact the relationship as a whole. That’s where couples therapy offers support.

Through guided sessions, partners can rebuild understanding, develop healthier coping mechanisms, and provide emotional safety. Even if only one partner is initially ready for therapy, help is available to begin the journey towards positive relational patterns.

What is Compulsive Behaviour in a Relationship?

Compulsive behaviour in a relationship or marriage refers to repeated, uncontrollable actions or thought patterns that interfere with emotional intimacy and trust. These behaviours may include addictions, such as alcohol use, pornography, or excessive gaming, as well as mental health patterns like OCD, including reassurance-seeking or compulsive checking. Emotional dysregulation, where one partner struggles to manage intense feelings, can also fall under this category.

Over time, these behaviours can create destructive cycles of anxiety, guilt, secrecy, and emotional disconnection. For example, a partner engaging in compulsive habits may hide their actions, leading to broken trust and increased conflict. Meanwhile, the other partner may feel responsible for managing emotional fallout, resulting in constant emotional negotiation or codependent patterns.

Moreover, some relationships may involve enabling, where one partner supports the other’s compulsions to maintain peace or avoid confrontation. As a result, both individuals may feel trapped in patterns that are difficult to break free from.

How Compulsive Behaviour Affects Couples?

Compulsive behaviour can deeply disrupt the emotional balance of a relationship, gradually eroding trust and creating a sense of instability. When one partner hides their compulsions, whether it’s substance use, compulsive checking, or emotional outbursts, it often leads to secrecy, fear, and frustration in the relationship. 

Over time, the other partner may begin to feel like they’re walking on eggshells, unsure of how to respond without triggering further conflict or distress. This ongoing tension often causes a shift in relationship dynamics. One partner may take on a “caretaker” role, constantly managing crises, providing emotional support, or compensating for the other’s behaviour, while the other becomes increasingly dependent or withdrawn. 

This imbalance not only causes emotional exhaustion but also reinforces unhealthy patterns of interaction. As a result, sexual and emotional intimacy tends to suffer. Left unaddressed, compulsive behaviour can feel overwhelming. Through consultations such as relationship or marriage counselling, couples can rebuild trust, rekindle emotional intimacy, and develop ways of relating to one another.

Why Couples Therapy Works for Compulsive Behaviour?

While individual counselling may help manage compulsive symptoms, it often overlooks the relational dynamics that may be sustaining those behaviours. This is where couples therapy offers a more comprehensive support. Instead of focusing solely on the individual, it addresses how both partners influence and are impacted by the compulsive patterns.

Evidence-backed methods like Behavioural Couples Therapy (BCT) have shown higher success rates compared to individual-only approaches, particularly for issues like substance use and other compulsive behaviours. It helps couples improve communication, set healthy boundaries, and rebuild trust.

Couples therapy also helps create a safe space to explore enabling behaviours, emotional regulation, and cycles of blame or guilt. By addressing these underlying patterns, both partners can learn to support each other more effectively without reinforcing the compulsive behaviour.

At our family therapy centre, we draw insights from BCT, Choice Theory, and trauma-informed care to offer a holistic approach. This integrated method helps couples better understand their emotional responses, improve mutual empathy, and foster sustainable relationship change. With professional guidance, couples can work on their compulsive behaviour and ultimately thrive together.

How OCD and ROCD Affect Relationships?

In OCD, intrusive thoughts, such as fears of cheating, moral scrupulosity, or harming one’s partner, can lead to repetitive behaviours like excessive reassurance-seeking, overchecking, or compulsive confessing. While these actions may offer short-term relief, they often increase anxiety over time and place emotional strain on both partners, ruining your marriage over time.

ROCD, a specific subtype of OCD, revolves around persistent doubts about the relationship or marriage itself. One may obsess over whether they truly love their partner, if the relationship is “right,” or if they are attracted enough. These doubts can hinder emotional intimacy and impede the natural progression of the relationship.

Over time, the non-OCD partner may feel overwhelmed by the constant emotional demands, confusion, or pressure to reassure.

Couples therapy offers a collaborative approach to managing OCD and ROCD within the relationship. It helps both partners understand the nature of intrusive thoughts and compulsions while introducing healthier communication patterns and boundaries.

What to Expect in Couples Counselling for Compulsive Behaviour

Couples therapy for compulsive behaviour offers a structured, supportive environment where both partners can understand and address the patterns disrupting their relationship. Here’s what the process typically involves:

• Identifying compulsive patterns and their triggers: Therapy begins with exploring the specific compulsive behaviours affecting the relationship, whether it’s substance use, OCD, ROCD patterns, or emotional outbursts. Understanding what triggers these behaviours helps couples recognise the early signs and avoid reactive cycles.
• Building a shared understanding: The professional provides psychoeducation to help both individuals understand the psychological basis of compulsions. This shared knowledge reduces blame, builds empathy, and empowers couples to view the problem as something they can tackle together.
• Setting collaborative boundaries and goals: During the therapy, couples set clear, realistic boundaries and shared goals. These boundaries protect the relationship while allowing the partner with compulsive behaviours to work on personal growth in a supportive environment.
• Developing healthier coping mechanisms and communication skills: Couples learn tools for managing distress, handling triggers, and communicating more effectively. These skills reduce emotional reactivity and increase mutual respect and understanding.
• Improving relationship safety and stability: The session focuses on restoring emotional safety and stability within the relationship. This paves the way for a more balanced, resilient, and connected partnership.

Can I Come for Therapy Alone If My Partner Refuses?

Yes, you can absolutely come alone, even if your partner isn’t ready to attend couples therapy. Individual therapy helps you understand your role in the relationship dynamic and how you may be unintentionally contributing to or enabling compulsive behaviours. Through this process, you’ll learn how to set healthier boundaries, respond more effectively, and prioritise your emotional well-being.

Importantly, change doesn’t require both partners to start at the same time. By shifting your own patterns, you can create a ripple effect that influences the relationship as a whole. Therapy can bring about meaningful improvements in communication, stability, and self-awareness, laying the groundwork for future joint progress if and when your partner is ready.

Ready to Seek Help for OCD or Compulsive Behaviour in Your Relationship?

Addressing compulsive behaviour early can prevent lasting emotional damage and protect the future of your relationship. At All in the Family Counselling, Ms. Tammy Fontana brings over eight years of clinical counselling experience, offering support in couple counselling, counselling for trust issues, and a range of relationship challenges. With training in working with individuals, couples, and families, she provides tailored support during therapy sessions.

Book an initial consultation today to explore if therapy is the right next step for your relationship.