PREVENTING A MARRIAGE CRISIS: HOW TO RECOGNISE AND SAVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP



PREVENTING A MARRIAGE CRISIS: HOW TO RECOGNISE AND SAVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP

It can feel incredibly lonely when you think you’re in a marital crisis. The intense arguments, the long silences, and the growing emotional distance can leave you feeling hopeless and unsure of what to do next. 

Fortunately, many couples who feel their marriage is falling apart can find their way back to a stronger connection. Seeking support through marriage counselling early can be the key to preventing a full breakdown, offering solutions to how you and your partner can save the marriage in crisis.

What is a Marital Crisis?

A marital crisis is not an event that happens overnight, but is a breaking point that often results from unresolved issues that have been building over time. Common triggers can include communication breakdowns, infidelity, financial stress, or a sudden change in family circumstances.

It signifies a stage in a relationship where regular interactions no longer work, leading to significant distress and potential separation. 

Stages of Marriage Breakdown

While every couple’s journey is unique, these common stages of a marriage crisis show a gradual decline that, if left unaddressed, might lead to separation.

Stage 1: The First Signs of Trouble

One or both partners begin to notice recurring issues and a feeling that their needs are not being met. Instead of addressing these problems directly, they may choose to ignore them, hoping things will improve on their own. This is often the quietest stage of a marriage breakdown, where internal doubts start to take root.

Stage 2: Emotional Withdrawal

As the issues persist, partners begin to pull away from each other emotionally, communication becomes more superficial, and they may feel a sense of loneliness even when together. The feeling of being “unheard” becomes common, leading to a deeper emotional distance.

Stage 3: Heightened Conflict

When emotional withdrawal reaches a certain point, it can lead to more frequent and intense conflicts. These arguments often lack resolution and are characterised by a focus on blame rather than a collaborative effort to find solutions. Also, the hostility may start to become apparent to those outside the marriage.

Stage 4: Hopelessness and Separation

One or both partners may reach a point of emotional exhaustion and feel that the problems are too big to solve. A sense of hopelessness sets in, and the idea of separation or divorce is seriously considered. This stage is often triggered by a specific event that solidifies the decision to end the relationship as it currently exists.

Signs Your Marriage May Be in Trouble

It is normal for marriages to have ups and downs, but certain patterns can indicate that your marriage may be falling apart. Recognising these signs is crucial for knowing when to seek help.

• Constant Arguments and Criticism: If every conversation seems to spiral into a disagreement or a critique of the other person, it may suggest a breakdown in communication and can erode feelings of respect and trust over time.
• Avoiding Each Other: When you actively avoid spending time with your partner, choosing to stay late at work, or spending weekends with separate friends, it is a sign of a growing emotional gap. 
• Feeling Lonely Within the Marriage: You can be in a room with your partner and still feel completely alone. This sense of isolation suggests a significant emotional disconnection.
• Intimacy Issues: A non-existent or unsatisfying physical and emotional intimacy can be a symptom of a deeper problem. Intimacy is a key component of a healthy marriage, and its absence often reflects a breakdown in the emotional connection.
• Lack of Support: When you stop turning to your partner for support during difficult times or anything exciting, and instead seek it from friends or family, it can indicate a lack of trust and security in your relationship.
• Secretive Behaviour: Hiding things like finances, phone calls, or personal activities from your spouse, especially if you know these would have a negative effect, suggests a breakdown of trust.
• No More Shared Vision for the Future: When you stop discussing future plans or find that your goals no longer align, it can indicate that you are growing apart rather than together.

How to Save a Marriage in Crisis

When a marriage is not working, it can be difficult to see a way forward. While there’s no single solution that fits all couples, there are practical steps you can take that require commitment and a willingness to face the crisis.

• Rebuild Communication and Trust: Create a safe space to talk by using “I” statements to express your feelings instead of placing blame. This helps both of you feel heard.
• Set Aside Time to Reconnect: Be intentional about spending time together to rediscover your connection. Scheduling a weekly date night, even one at home, can create positive shared experiences that remind you both of your connection.
• Avoid Blame and Focus on Solutions: Instead of getting stuck in a cycle of blame, approach your problems as a team. Shift your language from “you” to “we” to focus on finding solutions together, not on who is at fault.
• Seek Professional Help Early: For many, seeking help from a professional is the best way to gain the approach needed to rebuild the relationship, as an expert can provide a structured plan that respects individual circumstances. A professional counsellor provides a neutral space to work through issues, learn communication skills, and identify destructive patterns before the relationship becomes permanently damaged.

How to Prevent a Marriage Crisis Before It Happens

But most importantly, the best way to address a marital crisis is to prevent it from happening at all. Couples can be proactive in their relationship to build a strong, resilient relationship foundation.

• Regular Check-ins: Schedule regular times to talk about your relationship, even when things are going well. This can be as simple as a monthly “state of the union” conversation to discuss what is working and what is not.
• Conflict Resolution Skills: Learn healthy ways to disagree and find compromises. This might involve setting rules for arguments, such as no name-calling and no bringing up past issues.
• Setting Shared Goals: Work together to create shared goals for your future, whether it is for your family, finances, or personal growth. Having something to work toward as a team can strengthen your bond.

Seeking Marriage Crisis Counselling

Marriage crisis counselling provides a neutral and structured environment where both partners can work on their issues without fear of judgment.

All in the Family Counselling supports couples with marital crises using evidence-based approaches, such as the Gottman Method. Ms. Tammy Fontana, who is a certified psychotherapist with 15 years of experience in counselling, uses a range of techniques, including active listening, role-playing, and goal-setting, to help couples improve their communication and rebuild trust and intimacy after challenges.

Take the First Step to Rebuild Your Marriage

At All in the Family Counselling, we offer online therapy sessions and individual counselling to support you and your partner in navigating your challenges. 

Reach out to us today to learn more about how you can save your marriage in a crisis and take the first step towards a healthier, stronger, and happier future together.