Arranged Marriage & Sex

Arranged Marriage & Sex

Are you in an arranged marriage? Did you spend only six months online or remotely getting to know the person before getting married and now finding a discrepancy between the person you met online and the person you are now living with? Are you finding that sex after the arranged marriage is not happening? Are one or both of you feeling very uncomfortable and having a lot of pressure to do an activity expected of marriage and yet you do not want to do it? Are you feeling confused, shamed and sad about the current state of your sex life in your marriage?

One of the challenges, in an arranged marriage, is that people want a lot of the aspects of a love marriage, knowing the person, spending time, making decisions together, negotiating and discussing differences. But they are in arranged marriage in which they do not know the person they are married to enough to be emotionally and physically intimate.

Getting to know somebody takes a minimum of twelve months and four to five years, ideally, to get to know somebody. While you can have a feeling of knowing somebody or a feeling of trusting somebody, the feelings are not the fact. To get to know somebody, to develop and built trust, there is no shortcut to time.

Human beings are completely complex individuals and it takes time through decision-making, interacting, seeing of people do what they say they are going to do, over a period of time to know the person. And there is no shortcut to that.

Many people can feel that they know the person or trust the person but without time there is no way to have validity in that feeling.

In arranged marriages people are connected through friends or families, through match making services and they spend time online sharing with one another. This gives them the illusion that they know one another, but when you get married and you live with the person the reality is often different from the one you imaged.

The challenge then of moving from living with the stranger and working on all the life differences around family time, food and then into sexual intimacy can present huge challenges.

To be able to have sexual intimacy and compatibility you need to be able to like the person, feel safe and trusting, have very good ability to talk about what you want and differences. Also necessary for a good sex life is having adequate and correct information about sex. Many individuals, whether in arranged marriage or not, do not have adequate and correct information about sex, sexuality, intercourse and what is sex.

If anything in this article is resonating with you and you really want to have a healthy and satisfying marriage, you really like your partner, yet you can’t figure it out why you are unable to have sex in your marriage and all the things you have tried in the past do not work, All In The Family Counselling Centre Pte Ltd has experience working with arranged marriages and helping them work through their issues around sex and sexuality.

Sex is not really focused on the doing aspect of sex but rather on how people think about sex, their beliefs about sex and how they learn how to get in touch with their feelings, about how they want to feel about sex and then learn to communicate and negotiate that.

All In The Family Counselling Centre Pte Ltd is able to work with difficult clients, difficult cases and provide the education, knowledge and skills people need to achieve a satisfying marriage and sex life. If you would like to find out more about how we can help you, please contact All In The Family Counselling at +65 9030 7239 or send us an email at

All In The Family Counselling has been providing therapy for over a decade. We have been providing online therapy since 2015. Online therapy is not less than, but actually a superior form of therapy because we are able to provide therapy to all people, regardless of where they are, if people are living apart and it provides consistency. To find out more please contact us.

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