GETTING OVER A BREAKUP: DEALING WITH FEELINGS AND MOVING ON



GETTING OVER A BREAKUP: DEALING WITH FEELINGS AND MOVING ON

Has your world been turned upside down after a recent breakup? Do you feel lost, overwhelmed, and unsure of how to pick up the pieces? Breakups are one of the most painful experiences in life, leaving both unmarried and married couples alike to navigate a confusing mix of emotions, from anger and sadness to loneliness and fear. 

It’s completely natural to grieve the loss of a relationship, but it’s important to remember that getting over a breakup is possible. 

Why Breakups Can Feel So Overwhelming

When a relationship ends—whether due to infidelity or incompatibility—it’s not just the loss of a partner we’re grieving. It’s the loss of a shared future, of daily routines, and of an identity that was wrapped up in being a couple. The emotional impact can be staggering, leading to intense feelings of sadness, anxiety, and even physical symptoms like sleepless nights or a loss of appetite.

When you’re in love, the part of the brain linked to motivation, reward, and goal-setting is highly active. This is why you feel so motivated to pursue and maintain the relationship. When the relationship ends, your brain’s reward system experiences a painful withdrawal, much like a drug addiction. That’s why it can feel so physically and emotionally draining.

The fear of the future can be just as overwhelming. You might find yourself asking, “What now?” or “Will I ever find someone again?” This fear is completely normal. Our brains are hardwired to seek connection, and when that connection is severed, it can feel like a threat to our very well-being. It’s easy to get stuck in a cycle of what-ifs and self-blame, but it’s important to remember that these feelings are temporary.

Stages of Healing From a Breakup

Learning how to get over a breakup isn’t a linear process. The key is to be patient with yourself and understand that what you’re feeling is a part of the recovery process.

Stage 1: Shock and Denial

In the immediate aftermath, it’s common to feel a sense of shock. You might find yourself replaying the conversation in your head, hoping that it was all a mistake. This is your mind’s way of slowly protecting itself. This stage might involve feelings of disbelief and an inability to accept the reality of the situation. 

Stage 2: Anger

As the shock wears off, anger often sets in. You might feel angry at your ex or at the circumstances. This anger can be a powerful emotion, and it’s important to find healthy ways to express it rather than bottling it up. Anger can motivate you to set boundaries and protect yourself, but if it becomes all-consuming, it can hinder your ability to move forward.

Stage 3: Sadness

This is when the reality of the loss truly sinks in. You might experience profound sadness, loneliness, and a sense of hopelessness. So, how do you cope after a breakup? It’s okay to cry, to feel the pain, and to grieve. Suppressing these feelings will only hamper the recovery process. 

Stage 4: Acceptance

As you’re healing from the pain, acceptance can begin. But that doesn’t mean you’re suddenly happy about the breakup. It means you’ve come to terms with the reality of the situation. The pain may still be there, but it’s no longer the central focus of your life. You’re able to think about your ex without a tidal wave of emotion, and you can start to see a future for yourself that doesn’t include them. This is a crucial turning point in your recovery journey.

Stage 5: Rebuilding Confidence

Once you reach a place of acceptance, you can begin to rediscover who you are as an individual and rebuild your confidence. This stage is about reclaiming your identity and building a life that you love. It’s about focusing on your own happiness and creating a new sense of purpose.

Healthy Ways to Deal With the Emotions After a Breakup

Going through a breakup is hard, but how you navigate it can make all the difference. 

1. Allow Yourself to Grieve

Don’t rush the process. Give yourself permission to feel sad, angry, or whatever emotions come up. You’ve just experienced a significant loss, and it’s important to honour those feelings. Find a quiet space to cry, listen to sad music, or just sit with your emotions without judgment.

2. Lean on Your Support System

Don’t isolate yourself. Talking to trusted friends or family members about what you’re going through can show you how to deal with a breakup in healthier ways. Share your feelings, let them know what you need, and don’t be afraid to ask for help. 

3. Journal Your Feelings

Putting your feelings and thoughts down on paper can be incredibly therapeutic. Journaling allows you to process your emotions without judgment and can help you identify patterns in your thinking. It’s a private space where you can be completely honest with yourself.

4. Avoid Self-Blame

It’s easy to get stuck in a cycle of self-blame, replaying everything you “should have” done differently. Breakups are rarely the fault of one person. It takes two people to make a relationship work, and it’s often a combination of factors that leads to its end. Acknowledge what you’ve learned, but don’t beat yourself up over it.

5. Focus on Physical and Emotional Self-Care

During a breakup, it’s easy to neglect your own needs. Make a conscious effort to take care of yourself. This includes getting enough sleep, eating well, and engaging in physical activity. Simple acts of self-care can have a lasting impact on your mental and emotional state.

Tips to Move On After a Breakup and Rebuild Your Life

Moving on is about more than just getting over a breakup and your ex—it’s about creating a fulfilling life for yourself. 

1. Reconnect with Hobbies and Passions

Think about the things you used to love doing before the relationship, or things you’ve always wanted to try. Reconnecting with your hobbies and passions is a great way to rediscover your identity and find joy outside of a partnership. 

2. Set New Personal Goals

Use this time to focus on your personal growth. Set new goals for yourself, whether they’re career-related, fitness-related, or something else entirely. Achieving these goals will build your self-esteem and give you a new sense of purpose.

3. Create Healthy Routines

Routines provide a sense of normalcy and stability during a time of chaos. Establish a new routine that includes time for social activities, small joys, emotional processing, and self-care to feel more in control of your life.

When You’re Struggling to Let Go of Someone

Sometimes, no matter how much you want and try to get over someone, you just can’t seem to do so. You might be tempted to reach out, to check their social media, or to try to reconcile even when you know it’s not the right thing to do. This is a common struggle, especially when the emotional ties are still strong.

If you find yourself constantly replaying memories or imagining a different outcome, it might be a sign that you need some extra support. A relationship therapist can show you how to heal from a breakup by giving you targeted tools and support to help with negative thoughts and emotions.

How Counselling Can Help You Recover and Move Forward

Even with all the advice in the world, sometimes the pain of a breakup can feel insurmountable. This is especially true if you’re dealing with abandonment issues, low self-esteem, or a history of unhealthy relationship patterns. In these cases, professional support can be a game-changer. 

Therapy offers a confidential and safe space to explore your feelings and to understand the underlying reasons why you might be struggling to move on.

At All in the Family Counselling, we’ve provided many sessions for individual counselling in Singapore. These one-on-one appointments help our clients navigate the complexities of a breakup. Our lead expat counsellor, Tammy Fontana, can help you work through the grieving process, help you identify and challenge unhealthy thought patterns, and equip you with the skills you need to build a healthier, happier future. 

Through regular sessions, you can grow from the daily challenges and build better relationships with yourself and others. We know that learning how to get over a breakup is a journey, and you don’t have to walk it alone.

You Don’t Have to Go Through This Alone

Going through a breakup is a deeply personal and often lonely experience. But it doesn’t have to be. We at All in the Family Counselling are here to support you every step of the way. Whether you need help managing overwhelming emotions and breaking a cycle of unhealthy relationships, or simply want a non-judgmental space to talk about pre-marriage or sex and other intimacy issues, our family therapy centre is ready to help.

Our experienced therapist also offers different options to suit your needs, including retreats, in-person sessions, and online therapy services in Singapore. If you feel ready to take the first step towards recovery and reclaiming your life, we encourage you to book a consultation today.