Marriage – not a destination

Marriage – not a destination

Is marriage turning out not to be the destination you thought it would be? Did you think once you were married everything would work out and be ok? Did you think marriage would cause your sexless relationship to start having sex? Did you think marriage would make your sex life better? Did you think that once you were finally married everything would be smooth sailing?


One of the common mistakes people make when entering into marriage is thinking of marriage as a destination. A lot of people are working so hard driving towards locking down their relationship with marriage that they think marriage will solve all the conflicts and that people will change.


Unfortunately, marriage is not a destination but just a continuation of a relationship that now has new legal parameters around it that make it harder to end, as well as a different societal standard. But marriage does not cause people to get along, marriage does not cause people to sexually desire one another, marriage does not resolve values or fundamental differences in the relationship, nor does marriage give you the skills that you need to have to do the marriage.


Marriage is a product of two people and their ability to be self reflective, introspective, fully developed, independent and able to communicate what they want and have healthy boundaries. Marriage doesn’t cause people to have these skills. These are skills people need to learn through healthy parenting or through therapy. Thinking that marriage will solve things often creates greater disappointment and disillusionment when things are not working out because people do not know how to solve them and they think marriage is going to give them things that marriage cannot give.


People are the marriage.


If your marriage is not going the way that you want, if after getting married you are not having sex, compatibility, closeness and you are confused by this, therapy can be a way to help you resolve the differences that you have and develop the healthy skills that you need to be successful in your marriage. Marriage actually requires a lot of skills to be able to be successful. Not just communication, but two people who have understanding of themselves, of boundaries and emotional regulation.


We realize not everyone wants therapy. We have designed useful education series running on Thusday:



All In The Family Counselling Center has been providing therapy for just under two decades. Tammy Fontana, our lead therapist, has extensive experience working with expats, couples that are from different cultures, as well as couples from Southeast Asia. She has been living in Southeast Asia for just under two decades and is skilled at working with difficult cases involving complex issues around infidelity, sexual dysfunction, mental health issues and communication issues. If you would like to learn how therapy can help  you, contact us at to learn how we can help you.  Please whatsap us at +659030729


All In The Family Counselling Center has been a leading therapy center in Southeast Asia, in Singapore and Thailand for a couple of decades. We provide extensive support through individual and couple therapy, intensives and our retreats to Croatia. We also provide our portal to help support people in between their sessions. Contact us to learn more!

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